The Blog Zine

Right when you really feel like its your year, it all crashes down in a matter of minutes. Where's the feeling now? It was just there! I was ready to have a good day and now its all up in flames.

My situation goes like this. I'm riding my bike to school on the second day of the week. I look back for one second; next thing I know, my tire hits the curb and I come right down... on my hands thankfully. My left knee, however, took a good scraping right through my best jeans. Looks like I'm goin to Kohl's. It still hurts today. I did happen to have a small tube of Neosporin thankfully in my bag. I don't know what we would do without that stuff. It hurts and I need that leg for basketball and drama. Just walking back and forth between classes hurts! I guess it's a good thing I don't have PE this year for now. My jeans rubbing on the spot doesn't help either.

Nothing's really supposed to appen soon anyway. It's been a bad week anyway. I knew it was goint to be a bad week on sunday. I just had a gut feeling it would be terrible. It sure seems I was right.

It's always interesting how as soon as something bad happens, we just want to make it worse. Isn't that weird but still a fact? As soon as we get scraped or something, we tear up the area around us. When the game is over and we lose, we eat ourselves to death and become so sick we cant move and then we get more agitated. Why do we do that? Human nature? Possibly. You have a choice to make on how you respond. You can only respond one of two ways. Peacefully or, lets just say, otherwise. You can let it go or you can decide to let the bad day overwhelm you and, evetually, control you. (And no, the Daniel Powter song doesn't help you at all.)

Why can't I just be a guy version of Claire Bennet? or at least Peter Petrelli? Well, no everyone can be one of those heroes, unfortunately.  

That was just added in for no reason.

Anyway, let's just lighten up now and then. Think of the results and other possibilities.

---UPDATE---

When you decide you need someone to talk to, you grab your phone and who is it you most often look for first? Most of the time, it's a friend. Maybe its someone you haven't talked to in forever. You need someone to talk to. That's what friends are for, right? They're there for you when you most need them. Let me tell you. I have a small number of friends and that's mostly my fault for not reaching for more when I had opportunities. Because of myself, I've lost chances like that. But back to the phonelines. You look for a friend most of the time. You may or may not be big on family. If you're like me and you don't have cousins your age, you're the only one your age in your (close by relationship) family.

So, the first person listed doesn't seem like it'd be the best timing. You go on to another friend after all those service-related phone numbers. This one's a little better, but you see it as just enough to try and call them. They don't answer the first time. You call one more time and they still don't answer. You move on to find one more person, who you're just not having the greatest relationship with you, or at least not going through the greatest time with you. The next few contacts just don't seem like the right one to talk to. You start over at the top and scroll down a bit to find someone you may have just thought of before but waited for others to pass by. You call them, and they answer at the third or the last ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey (friend's name)!"

"Oh, hi (your name)! How are you?"

 "Eh, I'm doing alright, how bout you?"

"Well, just been doin my normal stuff... you?"

And so on the conversation goes. Next thing you know, you've been talking for about two or three hours but you've covered so much. You've been thinking about them the whole time and you've been wondering if they've been thinking two ways. For example, maybe you're suspecting them to be thinking on something totally different than what you're talking about with them, but still trying to focus on the conversation.

There's so many interesting things about friends that make you feel like the luckiest person in the world. And beyond that if you have the love of your life with you. But friends are more than just people to talk to. They're people to play around with- just have a great time enjoying how great they are and them enjoying how great and appreciative you are. Friends and their friendship with me have given me an acronym for friends.

Forever Ready to help you If you Ever Need that someone to make you feel Deserving of the Support and time.

It may not be the most professional, but I just want to get it across that it's always nice to know someone's gonna be there. Maybe the best times seem to come every time you're with them. Maybe they come every other time. Maybe, it never even matters because you enjoy their company.

The trick with friends, though, is that some will change dramatically. Maybe one will start to date another. Stuff like that happens all the time. Friends are forever no matter what. If they don't wanna talk to you, if they don't even see you for several years, if they don't wanna even know you anymore, they will always be your friend. Not physically, but in your heart, they will always be there for you in one way or another.

Maybe you need them more than they need you. Say they don't realize it. They'll be clueless on how to help you. They aren't the entire answer. They can certainly provide help. That's why you have multiple friends. If you have only one real friend, they will be the biggest help you will ever have found. Friends are not optional. If you live without a friend, you aren't getting the best you can. You deserve the best. It doesn't matter who you are, you deserve the best. 

Okay, right now you might be thinking- "oh, wait a minute, I don't wanna be the egotistical one." Well, it's a fact- sometimes you will need to be a bit egotistical when you're meeting someone for the first time or the first real chance. And take your time with broken and even pieced together relationships. It may take what seems like an eternity to fix up a broken one, an eternity as in the "will it ever be fixed?" kind. Trust me, there is going to be a rough time with even the best of friends. But if you don't make the effort to save or renew the relationship, you're not gonna go anywhere, unless they happen to make the move. But, if you don't do anything at all and ignore them and let them ignore you, you're gonna be stuck that way most likely the rest of your life. They could've been the most influential, the most key part of your life, the one you went to most, the one you loved the most out of all the rest. I know exactly what that's like. Of course, this is only my encounter with the fatal split, others' vary. Right now, examine what you may be right now to your friends and who you intend to be for them.

Throughout life, we learn things everyday. We learn no one is perfect. We learn that someone can go to jail while another goes to rehab. We learn someone's decided not to marry.

It happened to me. The girl I had feelings for that I thought she did too, she doesn't wanna get married. She actually got two offers in two nights ironcally. (Also, one of my friends from school got a girlfriend that very night. They'll wait three years to date physically, pretty much because he's 15 and she's 18. It's illegal in our state for them to date now. I gave them a few suggestions though.)

Here's the story. I don't pay for texting, but T-Mobile gave it's customers free texting for Father's day. Since my dad has no clue how to text (thankfully) I texted my hopeful girlfriend. I got to asking her, after a lot of casual talk, I asked her, and she said she wasn't ready for it and wasn't planning to marry. But, that was more than okay with me, and suprisingly the same wtih her. After all, this was my third time in that kind of situation. So, now, we're gonna make it like it never happened. The thing is though, she said like she grew 30,000 feet taller because of it. I was just glad to have the darn thing off my chest. But making her feel great, that was like nothing I've felt before. Now, it's all ok.

Now, I do have another prospect, but she's the one I'm most uncertain about. I think she'd be the most likely to reject my offer. She's such a great person, she's great with tricks and pranks and such, kinda like me, even though that isn't my hobby. It's not something I like to do, but just in a friendly joking way like she does. She's also good with music and plays the electric guitar. I play acoustic with my all. But, she's just a nice, quiet, fairly shy girl who I just love being around. (Hey, shyness is a turn-on for me.) She doesn't always have something to say, but when she does, I understand her. And even though she prefers screamo over my pop/rock/hip-hop crave, I dont care. I like The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, does that count? Anyway, still. I always think to myself at night about her. I asked the friend that shared a relationship-discussion night, and he said she and I may have a shot. I just don't wanna get shot down.

Actually, what the heck am I saying? (This is the part to pay close attention to.) I've been through the whole thing three times. I know I'm gonna be alright. If she wants to take some time, let her have it. And what rush am I in? I probably need to wait too.

By the way, speaking of not ready, I'm not big on perks. Isn't there a song that says:

I ain't got no money
I ain't got no car to take you on a date
I can't even buy you flowers
But together we be the perfect soulmates
Talk to me girl

I ain't got no Visa
I ain't got no Red American Express
We can't go nowhere exotic
It don't matter 'cause I'm the one that loves you best
Talk to me girl

Thank you Timbaland. I think quite a few of us needed that song. We all hear about how dates were so great based on how the places they went were and what they bought for the other. I want what's best for my girl. Right now, the one I'm looking at is a friend now that I used to argue with constantly about a year or so ago. Now, it's like... "We did what?"

Slow down and take some time. Take the time that needs to be taken, but don't wait too long for an opportunity that really does open its doors. How do you know? You will know when you know for %110 sure. That's not necessarily what I've done in the past, and I've paid for it. Take it from me.

Is your mirror showing a real opportunity? or just a close one?

The losses in life take their toll as they pile up. The struggles pile up. All this results in stress eventually unless you do something.

Webster's Dictionary defines atrophy as: a wasting away or progressive decline. Picture it this way: There's a decline in your performance in school, your job, relationships, nearly everything. Some of the atrophy you are rather proud of, the rest not much at all. You'd rather see yourself in a picture with adults made of prime numbers and the pets made of square roots and you made of the word you last misspelled than go through the burdening atrophy. Where's the hope? Where's the moment for you to do something right the right way?

If you beg someone for help you're not going to get much information. No matter if they're your grandparent, Oprah, or Dr Phil. Nothing is going to get you going again. Even if you play an instrument (arguably the best method for reducing stress), there's just not enough time in your schedule or your life in general.

I have beneficial atrophy. Right now, I'm losing a friend steadily that I would rather not have met. That's what I wanted the whole time. In a way I'm giving her a taste of her own medicine. Sometimes that really helps, as long as you don't do it harshly or forcefully.

Another, I can't understand my actual relationship status with a friend. First she's playing over the phone with me. Next, it's as if she doesn't know me. But now, she's all happy around everyone, including me. I can't stand her anymore; good thing she's gonna leave today. I still have to see her for graduation if I'm gonna get a cd. There are worse people at school though- you can be sure.

I'm wanting to know about someone else as well. Another girl who goes here seems to have a bit of interest in me. Little signs. I'm wondering if she does though. I care about her as a friend so far. If she changes, she changes for the better. But that's how I can see it. Appearances are usually deceiving for me though. But I know I'm right about the girl before. I just wish i knew what life has planned, but at the same time, it's best not to care. Life means little to me a lot of the time. But I hope that this session has brougth me some image in my mind or some help on dealing with this. That's what I need now.

All I can say with this is that assumptions are not always true, dreams are rarities for real life, and friends vary.

We all have things we regret, don't we? We get angry over the smallest matter. We throw our stress on others.  We don't help when the opportunity presents itself. We go on when it's best not to. We make the biggest fool of ourself when we make a decision that we knew we shouldn't have made. We should've told the person. We even regret those bad hair days.

I make plenty of those mistakes myself daily. I don't think thoroughly before I make a move. If I add a comment, the whole room just starts to calm down. Yep, it's not just hard or not hard to deal with it. Life throws everything at you whether you're gonna like it or not. But you gotta admit, mistakes make you think for a long time.

My most recent "should've" would be that I should've never said the things I did to cause a friend to leave me. It's alright now, but it wasn't a month or so ago that we were as distant as we ever were.

We were friends since we met. When I had my problems and struggles with thoughts of suicide, she was there. When I told her I was having feelings for her that I knew I didn't want and shouldn't have, she was there. I was there for her too. I wanted to be her help for her troubles. But the thing that broke it all in pieces was something I said that I didn't take time to think through. It was a mere dream at night. She asked what was troubling me and I told her, and that was it. The dream I will not mention should she come to read this. But that ended it all. She kept her distance, and so did I. However, I always wanted to let her know I would still be there. I would just start with "How are you?" Even though she just ignored me, that didn't matter. That's how it happened.  I gave it enough time, seeing that it was actually a burden off my shoulder. I did feel better. What made me feel best though was when she actually started acting like my friend again. Like she used to. I'm not saying 7th or 8th grade-ish; I guess she doesn't like those years. And though I guess she's given up on some other people that used to make a great group of friends, I'm glad she hasn't given up on me. Not to sound self-centered, of course. I'm just glad we can communicate again.

If your friend decides to leave you (if you know how I mean that word), then give them time. Keep on caring for them. Ask them how their day's goin. Don't overdo it. Don't be all in their face and whatnot. Just be there to help them. Don't give up on it and assume that the good days are over. It's okay to step forward and make a move when they won't.

Some people will say they've gone through the exact same thing you're going through. But you know yours is the only one there.

"I've been through this many times."

"I know exactly what you're talking about."

"Oh, lots of people have the same problem."

Maybe so, but that lot of people aren't there with you as far as you know. We all have our problems that may consume us. People may say we're taking it too serious, or that we need to talk to someone- most of the time it's someone you don't feel like trusting. If you're a teen like me, that person that you really don't trust and don't want to is probably multiple adults, especially your parents. The parents are the ones you really don't wanna talk to. All they do is try to find out what you do and like, and then do their best to give you a bad rap with it.

So, who do you turn to? Usually, it's your best friend, right? Or several friends that you can connect with that way. Or sometimes, you turn to yourself. That's what a lot of us are guilty of. We just don't want people obsessing over it every time they see us, and we love to turn to those who don't do that. If not that, we go online. Wikihow, Google, and such very well may give mildly helpful information. Again, no one's going through the same problem as you really right?

Personally, friends have the biggest impact for me. I love them to death; of course a certain few are a bit harder. And then those that you more than can easily love. I've already asked at least two or three friends about my current problem. This is it:

You know how a lot of times when the student comes home, the parent just wants to hear him say that "there's a girl." Well, remember the talking to parents thing. Well, there is a girl that I've known since fourth grade and I think she has interest in me. I know I have had interest in her since eighth. I won't release her name, but I will say that I still have feelings for her. We'll talk on the phone for half an hour even. None of us have ever confessed our feelings. I know I at least have feelings for her. And I'm not saying I think she does as if I'm the guy I think any girl could have feelings for- that's not me whatsoever. I'm sayin it cuz I think she does. I'll give this example. She was attending a play I was performing in, and she took me outside the campus for a walk. During the walk she asked if I had that special someone in my life. I have special friends, just not a girlfriend or anything. And she seemed to let off a bit of energy through the air. She was glad to hear that, you could tell. I have been offered once some years ago, but I turned it down immediately. I'm happy that I did more today. That one's become a you-know-what. But the girl I'm liking, I have feelings for her because of who she is as a person, what she says, and the bonus how she looks. She's always got her own style and her own smile. Guys, don't you love it when your girl smiles? I really want to ask her, but my friends say to wait. It's so hard to though. Seeing others with their girl really makes it harder. And the way they are around eachother, all like they're so in love. It makes me want it more. We don't go to the same school though, Over the summer though is a good time to get to know the oher better.

And lemme admit, I do get my eyes on other girls at school. No doubt. There are the fly shorties and the breathtakers.that all getcha sprung. For reals. But, whatr the chances of gettin to em? And I still want her over all.

Well, that's how it is. So, I've got plenty of options that are under my control. Whaddo I do.... I don't know right now, but this girl's got me right now.

Lata